June - big feelings, pride and celebration
a bit late but here is June!
june is the month where summer finally comes. it has been teasing us for weeks, the days are noticeably longer but the equinox is what makes it official.
the days leading up to it are probably some of my favorite days in a year. the anticipation is building and then once it’s finally here, it’s a celebration. and it is a literal celebration, Music Day is a popular party in France and it’s every June 21st. although this year this celebration was a bit highjacked by British people that felt a little bit entitled to dictate what this party should and would be like based on their flawed understanding, expectations and their lack of equivalent. nonetheless i had a time like every year, this time not in the streets of Paris but by going to the Beyoncé concert. what a joy to be screaming the lyrics of Cowboy Carter and Renaissance at the top of my lungs under the sun. i danced the night away, smiled until my cheeks hurt and sang until my voice was literally gone. ‘Welcome back to the Renaissance’ brought something incredible out of the crowd, pulling us back into what felt like a fever dream, an escape, indescribable joy, an ultimate celebration. i will be completely honest I cried multiple times during the show — a 3 hours show btw — the beauty of Beyoncé’s voice but also the production of this entire show made me tear up. the sequence before 16 Carriages, a montage of all the Beyoncés through time, from the beginning to her career until now was so emotional to witness but from where I was seating I could see Beyoncé under the stage, waiting for the cue to lift her car into the air, looking at herself at the screen and that, THAT made me tear up. it also made me want to archive everything that i do so i, too can look back at my life and go ‘wow I really did all of that’ and i think these little newsletters are also my start into doing that.
so let’s go deeper into the month of June.
aside from the joy of summer being here, June has also been a rollercoaster of emotions, changes and challenges.
it has been intense to navigate through all of the changes this month has brought me but, we did and got the other side. i got through it thanks to my deep trust in my abilities and in who i am. but what also got me through it are people around me. my true and unwavering supporters. my friends whose faith in me has never wavered but also having people rooting for you no matter what. in the past two years i have discovered what it is like to be mentored and have that person push for you, say your names in rooms you aren’t in and fight for you. a first for me. this mentorship has made what could have been months of overwhelm, of doubt last exactly 30 seconds. a problem met with a solution laid out for me, without me having to figure it out alone.
so, although my internship is no longer being prolonged, i will be starting a new position that will teach me so so much, where I will thrive and grow and I’m so excited and grateful. trust I am also sad because for the past few months, I didn’t think i would be leaving, i had been given the opportunity to stay in the same company, being able to continue to work with my colleagues, further the dynamic i have with my manager to now having to say goodbye by august. i have to wrap my head around this entire experience ending, saying goodbye and reflecting on the past two years, two years of incredible growth.
every time someone leaves in my company we throw them a goodbye party, with food, drinks, gifts and speeches. usually by the person leaving, their manager and anyone that feels like sharing something. when I found out my contract had been renewed I was so glad to escape that because i knew i would just cry but now, a few months later i know i won’t escape it anymore. i will have to stand and listen to people talk about me (crying, throwing up at the idea) but i will also have to talk about those past two years and what they have meant to me as someone that was deeply traumatized by her two previous job experiences. as someone that was starting over, and all it will mean to me going forward. i will definitely need to have tissues on me!
All this introspection, all those big feelings I have been feeling this month were also channelled by what I was reading, what I was listening to.
this year, I saw the light and went back to buying physical books. the pleasure of holding a book that has moved you to tears, to put in your library or on display to be reminded of its power. books are incredible! more physical media!
in June i finished Martyr! that i started last month and, wow! this book moved me to tears, I was thinking about it while I was in school, at work, talking to people. the writing is so interesting and fresh. it dives into so many themes with intention and care. it’s a book I think I will recommend forever. a masterpiece.
while I was finishing reading Martyr!, i went to a book store while was waiting to meet up with my friends and well, I obviously bought new books — whaaaaaat who could have seen that coming????? — one book i want to highlight from the books I’ve bought is Giovanni’s room by James Baldwin. i’ve been meaning to read it for a while so when I finally found it in English I had to buy it and I’m very glad I did! i read it in three days utterly moved by the urgency of the characters, the tension between them and, the one between them and the world they live in. the entire book has grabbed me with such a force, i couldn’t put it down. this is one of the best book I’ve read in my life and it leaves you with this aching in your chest that for some reason you feel grateful for. i’ve read three other books this month that i’ll put the list at the end of the newsie.
I’ve also felt joy this month!
laughter with friends, with strangers too. i danced a lot this month. danced alone in my room, on a boat with colleagues for the company’s summer party. danced during on a concert i didn’t want to miss. i finally got to see Liniker live! she’s a force, a performer! the venue was packed, full of Brazilians which was so cool to witness. the energy was vibrant and an ode to queerness. experiencing the songs from CAJU, a beautiful body of work, an album that hasn’t left my rotation since it dropped, was magical. to celebrate this album during Pride month surrounded by a mostly queer audience was just amazing. so I danced my little heart out and got home feeling so much joy and love.
talking about queer joy, queer experience and queer artists let’s talk about kwn. her project, with all due respect, is so so so good and if you haven’t listened I urge you to! (careful gay feelings might arise). back of the club is one of my favorite from the album and it’s the music video that really sold me on the song. it’s so well done, it pulls you in and I personally didn’t want to leave. question, can we make the club music sexy again? i’m sorry but I need to feel like a vixen and not to be harassed by trap songs. and speaking of vixen and being sexy!!! The new Karol G album, Tropicoqueta, is really good and the music video for the single Papasito has made a lot of people jump on the Danny Ramirez train — personally got my ticket while watching On My Block but glad people are catching up — so, if you haven’t, go watch the music video for and come back to me. Because this was HOT and the bi panic was real which is very affirming as a bi woman.
June Roundup
books I’ve read:
Martyr! - Kaveh Akbar
Black skin, White masks - Franz Fanon (in French)
Giovanni’s room - James Baldwin
First love - Turgenev (in French)
Noteook of a Return to the Native Land - Aimé Césaire
music i’ve listened to:
singles:
Boy Soda - Blink Twice
folded - Kehlani
Nice to each other - Olivia Dean
Kill switch - India Shawn
Sycamore tree - Khamari
Feel Something - Sasha Keable
albums:
with all due respect - kwn
Tropicoqueta - Karol G